Personal Lessons learnt from sleazy old douchebag

Back Story: Sleazy old douchebag had ‘poached’ me in the bar I currently work in- to become a manager in his bar- which he has recently bought over.

Has he bought over the bar? true story/ false story? Nobody knows. One can only.. infer.

Personal Lessons I have learnt encountering sleazy old douchebag

1) When sleazy old douchebag buys you and your friends a round of beers in a bar: You take it

2) When sleazy old douchebag extends hand of friendship: take it cautiously as you still want your free beers time to time with no obligations of friendship

3) When sleazy old douchebag offers you a job: ALWAYS have a skeptical outlook on the proposal.

4) When sleazy old douchbag tells you he’s a pilot: do a background check; don’t believe him blindly.

5) If sleazy old douchebag shows you a video from the cockpit convincing you he is a pilot: You ask sleazy old douchebag where his face is in the video.

6) When sleazy old douchebag comes to your bar in attempts of poaching you in front of your bar manager- do not give him free beer for the sake of ‘friendship’- cause that is what he wants- free beer only.

7) When sleazy old douchebag tells you to quit your job to join him in his bar: you say-I ain’t quiting nothing until I see in Black & White (snigger)

8) When sleazy old douchebag wants to make the job opportunity official: You drag your old man along so if things go bad (as you know it), you can just blame your old man instead- cause he consented.

9) When sleazy old douchebag makes your old man wait around for 2 hours without picking up your old man’s calls cause apparently sleazy old douchebag ‘didn’t bring his phone along knowing that he has to meet my old man and is hanging out with ladies instead’: You gang up with your old man and shoot sleazy old douchebag down and tell him you don’t want no job of his if he is so irresponsible.

10) When sleazy old douchebag says sorry: You give him the benefit of the doubt (although there is no doubt at all) and put your terms forward with deadlines.

11) When sleazy old douchebag then says he is flying off the following night: You patrol the bar grounds and catch him red handed with a different bunch of ladies getting drunk off his balls.

12) When sleazy old douchebag fails his promise and disregards his own apology and fails your deadline: You keep quiet, suck it up cause you fell for sleazy old douchebag’s little con trick- however- being on complete high alert- you have not risked being fooled and losing any of your current jobs and lead your current sad life doing 3 jobs, accepting that fate is sad- while sitting at your desk writing a post about sleazy old douchebag.

13) When sleazy old douchebag makes contact again: You coolly (in duo connotation) reject his offer and ‘Thanks but no thanks sleazy old douchebag’

14) When sleazy old douchebag inspires you to write this post: You thank him interally for an interesting experience for teaching you not to believe sleazy old douchebag though you did pull your old man in.

PS: I could have made 10 lessons I’ve learnt from sleazy old douchebag to make it SOUND official, but in this case- nothing is official as you can tell. So, yeah 10 lessons out the window, Imma do- MANY MORE.

And sleazy old douchebag, don’t get back on my radar.

Tyvm.

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The diary of a drunk woman

This is a complete esoteric idea. Completely crazy. At least you might think so. Nonetheless I wanna document this.

I am tipsy. Let’s admit it. I am tipsy. Had a good night with my friends. What I want to talk about is.. My way back home.

Oh, judge me. I was walking back home. And I saw a black cat. And the thought process was- black cats are bad ive heard all about them. And i kept thnking in my head; black cat dont cross my road. Please black cat dont cross my road.

And it didnt cross my road.

I kept walking and then i stopped. Cause I wanted to be nice to the cat. Show it appreciation for not crossing my road.

The way I did it? I beckoned it to come to me. It came. I tickled it and petted it and gave it love. In my mind, i thabked it, and then i enjoyed the fact thaf it was hacing fun. Yay. It was happy. It was rollibg around, showing my it’s belly, givibg me it’s head to pat and pet. And theb, it meowrd.

There was a weird man walking across us. And i just thought-towards it- saying: its okay. Not ginna harm us. As the footstpes got closer, the black cat walked towarfs it; the man gave it a digustubg stare and walked away. And and that point, i thought, kitty is gonna go away. But it came back. It warded off the man and came backk..and started rolling around again. Awh. And then i thanked it in my head because, maybe, just maybe, it understood my concerns.

Then i thought in my head: okay kitty, im gonna go home now. But know that i appreciate yiu…do you wanna walk with me?

I walked;  it followed. Ir followrd me all the way. Teasing me and waljing alingside me. I, mysekf; crossed the cat’s path many times, on purpose. But when I walked alongside it, it never crossed mine.

I walked under my block. There was an old womab, who was collectibg, or more like selecting garbage. In singaporw if you collect 1kg of tin cans, you get paid for it when you sell ir to some some recycling place.

Abd theb, the cat twirled around my legs gracefully and theb disappeared.

I was sad. It disappeared. I was devastated. I thoyght it understood me or… Rather, connected witj me. But alas, it webt away. To the old lady. And then I dont quite remmeber what I thoyght of, but i was quite sad the cat left me cause we had a connection as it warded me from the old man and followef me till there. But it’s gonw now. And then, i got occupied by an ant

Yes, an ant. It was scurrying around my feet and my flats. Ans it was restkess. And then it got onto my leg. I thought- lemme try this shit again. The ant scurried onto my calf. I thiught; listen i dont wanna squash you, get off. And sooner than i expected, it travelled the other direction towards the groubd.

And it teased me, the ant, scurryibg around my feet. I beckoned it, i tried at least, i thought; okay listen, come till my knee and fuck off.. Come. But if you further ill squash you. The ant then slowly, travelled onto one of my flats, left flat- and just travelled in circles. And theb, it left- rejectef my offer. I was onky wabtbg to experiencr how it is to have an ant consciously on for onto the leg…

It left. It wrbt so far away. I got annoyed agai. Getting rejecyex my a kitfy and then an ant? What. That’s sad.

Then i remmered kitty. Kitty was missing. Kitty was gobe behing the old lady. I walked and tried to find kitty.

I took a few steps- all sad- tryibv to find kitty. And then i saw it was comubg towards me. I quickly rushed back to ghe seat and continued being sad- cause kitty was comibg back. But it knrw i was pretending already. And then kitgy walked throyfh my legs, did a little head flick in the air- knowing now it had the emotiobal upper hand and went back ti the old lady.

Why kitty.

And thwn it dawned ob me: everything is transient. We say it so much, in words, but never to ubderstand the true meaning of it.

Judge me; jydgr me all you wabt; but in that moment; where ut warded off tge evil governer odius and followed me under the block, that was real. In that moment: I FELT it was real. But now that moment is gone. Kitty is gone. Kitty will no longer connect with me cause it’s found a bettet connection. But in that moment it was real.

See, naysayers might argue i was firztly drunk and secondly, it was coincidental. Well JUDGE ME AGAIN BITCHES, i thibk it was real.

But then, i realised. Everything id trabsiebt. All the connectuons we have, they are transient. Cahse they happen in the moment. That moment is real, and that moment goes off in an instant. We hang on to the memory of that moment cause that was a genuine moment. But the truth is, it’s gone. It’s pazsed.. It’s transpired. Tjat momeny is never gonna come back.
So why, hang on to it?

I haf a momebt with kitty, it unferztood and warded off evil governer odius and walked me home. Thank you kittty. I appreciate it. Now youre gone. Even the ant. It knew i was playing a gamr in my mind.

Things are so ‘passibg’. Wr shoukd just expeiernece it and let go, bt hey, we are humans, we do falter. I cant blame us. We camt blame us we always wabt to hold onto things which make us happy and secure.

Truth is, nothibv is secure. Look, kitty left me. Im still sad about that but hey, i.also understand that i have ti let it go. Okay kitty, if you are happpy witb the old womab- fine- be happy. Ill be sad that you left me- but it’s okay, human that i am, ill work on it and ill learn to let it go.

My point: not the obssession of the kitty. (the kitty was cutr), my point is my revelation i experience through kitty (thabk yoi kitty)

Let go of your sorrows, your worries, your whatever negatives, cause hey, no- not worth it- caude kitty is gonna leave you anyway cause it doesbt understand or comprehend as much as you. You’re bigger than that. So ley it go.

It’s crazy. I’m crazy. This whole post is craxy. But i wabt to belueve it was real- at least the realisation was real. I wabt to believe i have a connection with the consciousness of animals- hence the isocentric idea- but, maybe not. Im not denying ot agreeibg to anything; cause there’s no extremist view- there’s always a balancr.

The only thibg i can do, is state- how i feel, what i experienced. And that is real to me, hencr not debatable- cause bitch, you aint me. And opinions aint debatable aboit, they are only discussed. Makes sense?

There is always a balance. Never an extremist view. You cant.say smoking is completely bad, because babe PRESPECTIVE WISE, i xan debate smoking is good.

Yknoe what i mean? There is NEVER AN ABSOLUTE ANSWER in the matters of ‘life’. Maybe mathematics. BUT NEVER LIFE. Cause there is always a balance in nature.

Naysayerd may argue again, that hey bro- some issues we must have an extremist view. For example: abortion. You cant fucking a view where youre ‘okay’ with abortiob. Fuck you. It’s either a yes or a no. You have it or tou dobt. There’s no grey area to that. And likewise, there’s no grey area to MANY ASPECTS IN LIFE. THERE ARENT.

That’s true.

But yet there are many issues which allow the grey area?

Do you see that the ‘issues’ itself become an issue of balance? Get it get it?

(btw, since i am high i would like to take crefit for all the naysayers arguments- when im alone, ill always debate witb myself inside my mind. Im a weird child. But as the mutual ‘judge’ i always try to be neutral, bt there will alwats be a side you will agree with a LARGER EXTENT. See that? The larger ‘extent’ is still trying to find the balancr xayse you dint wanna completely with the other side but you knoe some of the points from the other side arr.completely revelant….after a point im lost in tryinh to ecplain myself. But fuck that, i understand mysekf.)

Im still hifh. Woah. I havent typed straight for so ling. And this is suh a long post. Im gonba enjpy reading this tomotrow.

Hallelujah.

Goodnight kitty.

And secretly, (please know that I’m not mad at you anymore. I understand), whatever it is, THANK YOU.

Thank you black kitty. You came as a very obscure revrlation and i appreciate it.

For the past 2 days..

For the past 2 days, I have taken up this one seat in the office. Warmed the seat, stolen the tissue box in the office and made it my own, pulled the phones nearer so I do not have to even bend the slightest to REACH for it (cause that takes effort obviously), piled it up in front of my computer in a mucus mess cause i’m having a cold and also- kept a Vaseline container in front of me to always keep my lips dry-free since I’m breathing through my mouth ever so often while my nose runs a river.

For the past two days, I have been registering ‘MY’ company into classifieds, forums and onto social media sites. My fingers are tired of punching on the keyboard and my mind is sick seeing the same string of words appear on my screen. Email address *input* Phone number *input* Name *input* verify registration via email *verify* update excel sheet on registering status *input* go to next site *click*. Somewhere out there Karma’s watching sitting on a fucking cloud taking a harp lesson- chuckling to himself thinking, ‘Weren’t you all happy about being UPGRADED to Account Manager? FUN NOW, ISN’T IT?’

For the past two days, I have been flipping through the pages on a gargantuan maritime directory, going down the list from A-Z (did you know, Singapore has a million bloody marine industries FML. Who knew we had THAT much fuckin space), calling up all these companies and yes, advertising. The term used here is Coldcalling. I coldcall these people to get more leads for ‘MY’ company, getting bitchslapped on my face via the phone, rudely talked to or having the phone ruthlessly banged on my face. Guys, I’m living the fly life. Whoohoo. Oh in addition to that, knowing that the probability of getting any leads via coldcalling is negligible.

I hate the desk job.

What the fuckity fuck am I doing here?

I feel like a slab of concrete stowed away on the side of the pathway. I feel my brain is going to evaporate and dissipate into nothingness. I feel like I might just die in this seat today. Today marks the 2nd day and me..DOING THE SAME GODDAMN SHIT. While my magistrate gets HIS DRIVER to drive him around in his ROLLS ROYCE.

GAHHH. ARGHHH. URGHH. BLEARGGHH. BLEHH.

My point is not the Rolls Royce, it’s about the platform of freedom you have if you own a Rolls Royce in your life (aka power, upper hierarchy, bossing small people like me around = freedom) -it’s one way of looking at it. Mind you, I will contented with a fuckin’ bicycle- peddling full speed with the wind in my hair. A different kind of freedom. A kind of freedom where my ass isn’t glued to a twirly chair and I can cycle into a park, settle myself under a tree and write some stupid poems and SMILE about the stupidity. Or doodle! I like doodling. I doodle all the time.

The air inside a car is so stale. I rather breathe around a petrol pump, and I like the smell of petrol pumps.

If a week had more than 5 working days..oh the horror, I don’t even want to contemplate the repercussions. *shudder*

How do people do corporate jobs. It’s so organised, structured, lacking creativity- I SEE THE TAYLORISM. But of course, with the amalgamation of Karl Marxs’ brilliant meritocracy lightning bolt – which gives a horrible concoction in the corporate world. Somewhat along the lines of

I hate this job. I am tired of this job, HOWEVER, I’m gonna do it everyday and give my bestest everyday which is not far from what I’m already giving because I hate this job but giving my bestest will allow me to upgrade my position in the company with better pay as I deserve it for giving my hundred percent but you know what, I hate that job too but I deserve it anyway so I will stick to it though I hate it and give my hundred percent because then I can upgrade even higher up even though I hate the job but with higher pay because I fuckin deserve it. OKAY. I DESERVE IT. CUT ME SOME SLACK. (yo bro, cut yourself some slack and a snack. chillaxe a little. breathe)

Aren’t you living the life? Bee-yoo-tee.

I will not. I repeat. I will not be sitting as a desk for the rest of my life. I can’t. I want to dance alongside life- not watch it from a distance and live vicariously through others. No way. And might I add, I don’t give two hoots if that job doesn’t pay me grandiosely.  As long as it pays me enough for my needs and a little bit of vicarious living with a shelter on top of my head, I AM HAPPY. What the fuck will I do with so much excess money anyway (maybe a gold statue of myself :P I’M ONLY KIDDING. no..im serious. Nah, jokes jokes)

Look, I can adjust to a depressing concrete life. I can. I mean, I am doing it now cause of helplessness. I try to make the best out of this table and computer and this..desk and phone- which is nothing much..TBH. I can do this job, I know I can. I just simply..don’t want to. Not in the long haul, I definitely don’t want to. It doesn’t make me happy or accomplished the slightest bit. Accomplishment to me is coming up with a new idea, or a poem, or a silly self invented joke, or a new recycling idea to vamp up your room, or a new theory with evidence- that to me, is accomplishment. Not sitting on a desk having the same repetitive routine and saying the same repetitive words into the telephone. Regardless of  how high up the hierarchy you send me- it will still be mundane and repetitive in many aspects. Not ma thang man, not my thang.

Nope. Not an office job in the future. I am only 19, I think I have eliminated many possibilities of the future in my life and narrowed it down to with regards to what I like, what I don’t, where I see myself, where I don’t. After this one week in this ‘AWESOME SEO FIRM’, I know for a fact..

Not an office job.

Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!

Shraddha

I was having a boring day, pretty normal in fact. Going about doing my thang that I always do, which is nothing much- most of the time. Yknow, checking my phone every other time for a chance of social interaction- trying to get more credits on the ‘social interactions’ scale in my life.

Then, I got a Facebook notification.

OHEMGEE! YES! THE EXCITEMENT FILLED ME CAUSE- finally, something interesting was happening.

Yes, yes. I know what you’re thinking. This girl is sad. She thinks getting a notification is what we live for..and that’s ‘having a life.’

In Singapore, I reckon, to an extent it is- you generally don’t have a life. You have to make one. =.=

The inbox message was from an aquaintance-friend whom I got to know through a mutual friend. I thought it was sudden- for her to want to talk to me, considering we haven’t talked for..years? Months? See my point? I don’t even remember when was the last time I met her.

Her inbox message was interesting. And I would like to share this, more of- document this- cause it means a lot to me.

Prior to the message, a fact you ought to know.

1) My name is Shraddha. (In case you’re lost)
Note: It is an Indian name. And yes, I am Indian. The Indian pride flows through me like a fuckin’ river.
2) Bhagavad Gita is a book of principles and stories which emerge from Hinduism. Our ‘holy book’ per se, but not exactly.

Facebook message:
SHRADDHAAAAA! I know it’s been forever since we spoke, but I’m taking a class where we have to read the Bhagavad Gita and basically there was an entire section about your name and what it means, and I thought maybe you’d like to read it. (or maybe not, but I just thought it was pretty great and made me think of you!) Hahaha, I guess I’m just creepy but here it is:

‘The concept is shraddha and it’s nearest English equivalent is faith. I have literally translated it as such, but shraddha means much more. It is literally ‘that which is placed in the heart’: all the beliefs we hold so deeply, that we never think to question them. It is the set of values, axioms, prejudices and prepossesions that colours of preceptions, governs our thinking, dictates our responses and shapes our lives, generally without our even being of its presence and power. This may sound philosophical but shraddha is not an intellectual abstraction. It is our very substance. The Gita says, ‘A person is what his shraddha is.’ The Bible uses almost the same words,’As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ shraddha reflects everything that we have made ourselves and points to what we have become.’

I know it’s a little intense, but I guess that is what your name is all about. I’m sorry this is SO weird but it’s 5AM and I’m kinda losing it too! I hope you’re doing well, and I wish to see your face when I’m back in Singapore.

-End-

Woah. I’ve always known my name meant faith and devotion in accordance to God. That’s what my mom always told me. But reading that, has immensely broadened my thinking. It’s absolutely beautiful. And honestly, I thought it was the sweetest of her to share that with me and she thought of me when she read that. Isn’t that a compliment within itself?

Weird bro? NO WAY. None weirdness taken at all. That was a beautiful prose altogether and I appreciate it so much.

My name is..wow. It’s beautiful. I’m normally scarce with my vocabulary when I’m overwhelmed, but the only way I know how to describe what I read- beautiful.

My name’s meaning has always been a ‘value’ (not value..but prespective) I’ve held onto. Not in accordance to God, however. It’s a meaning I’ve always held onto, in accordance to life. The principles, the way of doing things, the way of thinking- everything (excluding religious angle).

In fact, I’ve wanted to get a tattoo of my name in the Hindi scripture ages ago, and I was saving up for it. After reading that prose, it has made me even more confident than I already was, to permanantly ink it onto me. Make it a physical (also) part of who I am.

I’m gonna just say it- I love my name. :)
And if doesn’t matter if majority of people don’t know how to pronounce it! Haha.

That little message made my day.

Thank you, old friend.