house arrest

‘I was made for lovin’ you baby, you were made for lovin’ me’. – I Was Made For Lovin’ You; KISS.
 
“i always imagine a hippie all happy on drugs, driving his car along the highway and singing this to his love. bobbing his head and wearing oversized shades. oh, not to forget his colourful clothes and long hair.” – a friend.

now, when i hear it again. it does make me picture a similar scene.. except, he’s riding a unicorn. the song is pretty darn sweet. (Y).

so, it’s house arrest time. i think i rested enough after prelims got over last thursday.
Thursday: slept likka baus the whole night.

Friday: sentosa cove! organised a treasure hunt for F’s belated birthday and hid 18 gifts around S’s house. best part: got F to write her name with her butt in the air in order to get a hint. that was quite arsy of me! happy birthday F! anyway, S has a HOME THEATRE. marry me please bitch?
(i’m quite confused. is it supposed to be S’ or S’s? cause S isn’t exactly a word. but still ends with a S. ohwells. grammer nazis, bite me!) 

Saturday: J’s party, at Cafe Del Mar! she shone brightly like a sapphire disco ball. happy birthday J! i am gullable, hence, i’m fun to probably laugh at. imma getchu asshats, imma getchu!

so i have done my share of chillaxing. now, back to crunching numbers and memorising facts.

42 days to the big A. 
no more time.
no more slacking around.
no more procrastination.
no more going about.
it’s “house arrest”.

it’s time to get busy. sean paul style. 
feel the temperature in the room rise?
that’s heat radiating from my nervous brainwreck and biting of nails.

time to be positive and little more hardworking. 
first step- be done with the entry and start on the math paper.

goodnight world. 

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exam problems

my life be like.

a G6. yes. i am random. very much so. ‘gift of the gab’, i have, they say. 

HIV/AIDS sounds like simple enough process largely. i believe it so. it’s easy to grasp the concept. HIV develops to give you AIDS. and AIDS, well, it fucks you over, you know, just like he/she did. (BURN) your immune system goes down a mudslide after it’s full-blown. and you die, eventually, because of a slight flu. you’re done for. that’s the brief story.

now. molecular biology, well, it zooms the story so close and up in your face. it’s basically a huge _l_ to your brain cells. (see what i did there?) and then it becomes so intricately complex. the enzymes, the replication process, the integration of viral genome, the reverse transcriptase activity. ‘mind-raper’, so as to speak. and then you believe, screwing up someone’s life THAT bad, is extremely difficult, takes effort and hell lotta time.

and i think of dramatic bitches out there who thrive on drama, in shows or otherwise. and i ask sincerely. how? how do you do it? even viruses are not at fast as you, and probably not as dangerous :P *salute*

almost done with the application booklet. victory dance. i feel good and happy today. like a warm fuzzy feeling growing in my stomach, telling me everything’s gonna be all right. and this ain’t the dead end, yet. the darkest tunnel will soon come after prelims. better keep a torchlight in hand, just in case. :D 

ohmy. need to share. exam hall problems.
sat for my biology paper 02 a couple of days ago. i forgot to bring my calculator, so i had borrowed it from a friend. during the paper, there was a calculation question: 6marks. the calculator didn’t work. i pressed and punched the ‘ON’ button, even tried shaking it furiously so the chemicals in the batteries start doing their magic. nothing. zinch. zero that’s the score out of 6 and the screen as blank as my paper. 

after the papers got collected. i looked at the calculator in horror and pressed the ‘ON’ button. it switched on. WHATTHEFACK? 

told my friend. she looks at me; “why didn’t you raise your hand and ask for a calculator! the teachers would have given you a spare one”

O.O
that is true. very true. why didn’t i do that? why didn’t i think of that?

I PANICKED, OKAY. sheesh. 

 

 

i believe it so

we work on ego. it’s debatable. maybe, even true. i believe it so.

it’s as simple as this. with confidence, entails ego. when someone says something undesirable, it pinches the confidence, eroding your ego. you might end up disliking them, even hating them. well, you might grow out of it, building even more confidence. woot!

confidence, the sexiest thing anyone can wear. i believe it so.

love and hate. apparently the two emotions, opposite of each other. that’s odd. when you hate someone, you think about them, boiling wicked thoughts; an ugly bubbling green. to hate- requires effort and passion. you care enough to remember them. odd it is, because love requires the same; effort and passion. 

loving and being completely indifferent. that sounds more appropriate. opposites. i believe it so.

now, i need to get back to work. wow, how much i hate studying. :P haha.

boundaries

there are certain boundaries, always.

understand them, respect them and live up to them. justify your limits and what you believe in.

if you don’t, you’re just another hypocrite who preaches magnificent self-assuring ideologies and doesn’t live up to them.

mature, responsible and genuine? i think not.

you’re a child. 

 

flow

happy birthday V :)
love you.

also, happy birthday T, not that you’re gonna read this. were a friend, still are. 

tables turn. sometimes you’re not the one on the giving end, but receiving. awesome. happy. elated. content. a little like candace. too optimistic, hopefully not to the extent of foolishness. 

saw a familiar, old face. 
it felt good. a simple conversation. that’s all it was. 

VIP. hell yeah. glowing white top and pretty kick-ass company. “HOW MANY? ;)”

tonight was way more than i expected. let’s see how things go.
you know, you just wanna go with the flow. *swagger*
and move to the groove. (had to rhyme, just had to.)

note to self: do not try to act as a ninja. you fail bad. BAD.

biology paper tomorrow, mein maar gayi. i can never be fully prepared, ever. as much as my determination wants to prove itself. i am a fickle-minded, indecisive character with a knack for not doing anything in my life but yet, wants to gain everything there is in the world out there. ‘minimum effort, maximum gains’

ah, there we go. optimistic to the extent of foolishness. 

FACEPALM.

workin’ colours

uerrghh. blehhhh. mehhhh. =.=

if there was a meter to estimate how i’m feeling right now, it would go a million units on the x-axis towards ‘i’m so done with math’.

math, i don’t like you, never fancied you and right now, i want to burn you. i have never understood you and hell, don’t even want to. i would not do you, even though you’re HOW hard. (i just said that. yes, i did.)

wait, you’re better than econs. econs..you is a mindraper. i fail to understand what it is about my sponge-like brain that doesn’t understand econs. wait, if my brain were a sponge, i would absorb stuff. it’s a rock when it comes to matters pertaining econs. micro-i can do. macro-W.T.HELL?

i hate econs more than math. that says a lot. though it’s supposedly an ‘artsy fartsy’ subject, i don’t see the bloody colour in the subject. more like; it sucks the colour out of me.

economics; you are a grey. an ugly concrete grey. i don’t see the beauty past the graphs and your graphs aren’t pretty enough. math is cooler. there’s a function which allows me to make a flower on my GC screen. WHAT CAN YOU DO?  

mathematics: you are a barcode design of blue and turqoise lines. blue because you remind me or practicality and reasoning. the stability within the chaos. i’m not very convinced with your ‘QED’ notion though. quite easily done are my nails, not you. well, you become a little brighter sometimes in contrast to blue, when i can figure out how to solve you. that isn’t very often. so, blue you are.

biology; simple. green. life, trees, instinct. you’re difficult but you’re relatable. you help me understand nature’s work which i can see, feel and hear. it’s tangible. thus, i appreciate you. you are a bright grassy green, infusing colour and life into the array of dull strokes.

chemistry; okay seriously..what in the world are you? i don’t know. you remind me of a small atom. with a yellow neutron, a red proton and a black electron. you remind me or litmus paper, blue and red. you remind me anything miniscule. you’re the link between all the sciences. respect. but i still don’t like you. 

frankly, i hate my subject combination. i don’t understand it, i don’t like it. i just do it. why? for grades. it’s all just about grades isn’t it. all those late hours into the night, crunching numbers. for? a good education of course. you need a degree. for whattttt? a job of course. you want a decent salary job.
then what? you work at your job, hard. for money.

it never ends.
Primary: work hard for PSLE, for secondary education.
Secondary: work hard for Olevels, for pre-U education.
Pre-U: work hard for Alevels, for tertiary education.
Tertiary Institute: work hard for a degree, for a good job.
Job: work hard for money, for a good life.
Life: work hard to prove yourself worthwhile, for a “well-lived” life.

the irony. 

 

 

head’s dead.

i can’t do it. i can do it. i can’t. i can. yes. no. what if i fail? you won’t fail. what if i do? you tried your best. what if my best isn’t good enough? well, just try. i don’t want to. just do it. why try when you know you’re gonna fail? who told you you’re gonna fail? i know. how? i just do. stop being stupid. what if..i fail in life? you won’t fail in life, you’ll find a way. if there’s no way? there’s always a way. what if it’s not good enough? wow, seriously..stfu. i don’t wanna go nowhere. you won’t. i hate this. i know. i’m not made for this. okay, it’s the last lap, just do what you can. what if i do badly and people laugh at me? you really care what people think? yeahhh….umm, no…i think, it matters, doesn’t it. get a grip, and just concentrate, what others think is the least that matters. i just don’t wanna fail and face a dead end and become all clueless. you won’t. how do you know? cause you dumbfuck, you’re me and i’m you. hmm, true.

i’m pretty much having a battle inside my own head.

it’s a madhouse in there. just gonna sleep. not think. too much.

Clock ticks, pen clicks.
Papers shuffle.
The night licks the walls, slowly.
Slyly, like a snake.
Wake is the brain, drained.
Mistakes, i fumble and stumble.
Rumbling are the voices.
Noises cut the silence.
Like a knife, a cough.
A laugh, so shrill and high.
Sighs the heart, tired.
Fired, a gun empty.
Shun away the negative thoughts.
Lost in your head, dead.
Said the mind, be strong.
Find a ray, lay in bed.
Let the night, take away the worries.
Day, come fast.
Cast sunshine, drive the dark away.
Far away.