i was browsing through Thought Catalog and read an article about the many fail pick-up lines this woman used. LAWL, it’s really some read. the pick up lines are so retarded.
guy:”you look like a pînata”
girl:”oh yeah, would you like to beat me with your stick?”
which made me think.. hey, i could totally write entitled: 101 on How To Never Get Him To Call You Back Again; I’ve got sheer bit of experience.
totally gonna jot down the funny lines i’ve come across! and since, i need to procrastinate and not study. so here goes.
“Is there a mirror in your pants, cause i can totally see myself in them”
STORY: last year, the night i turned 17, 2 of my friends and i decided to just hang out by the Clarke Quay river near my house. we evidently had a bottle of booze. i was entertaining phone calls while one of my precious friends gulped half the bottle, neat. she was seeing stars. we decided to walk around CQ, and do some random dares. i got my star-seeing friend to go up to a dude, throw a pick up line and ask for his number. i shit you not, she said that. I DIED. well, thank goodness the dude was smashed. he didnt realize or she might have been raped.
“do you have a map? cause i’m lost in your eyes”
STORY: same night, my other girlfriend-not the star-seeing one. subject was a bald irish dude. cliche as it is, it was delivered. with results actually. leprachaun lover actually gave her his number. we had just pretended to note it down though.
guy:”so when can i meet you next, miss 7-11?”
me:”what about tonight at 7 mins to 11. *winkface*”
STORY: firstly, please tell me you died. i know it, you don’t have to hide and laugh. while you’re at it, why don’t you get a gun and shoot me. this was over text. his reply: you make me chuckle. (i wanted to jump off a cliff) so i guess you understand when i say; i’m bad at this shit. btw in my defence; I JUST HAD TO OKAY. i was lolling for a long time after that. it was ‘in the moment’ if you know wadda mean? i’m still convinced it’s pretty witty. but lame. but witty. well, i haven’t gotten a text till now, THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. *sadness* – he was cute.
“why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.”
STORY: my best friend’s boyfriend was on a chair, blocking my path. he said that to see my reaction. i lolled, and lolled and even rofled. i thought that was pretty smooth, hell suggestive, but smooth.
friend:”what’s your name?”
DRUNK dude:”i’m the guy whose name you scream when i give you orgasms”
STORY: my reaction: O_O
so yeah. these are some i’ve heard which have left me rolling in fits. the last one was epic though.before i ‘turn off the lights’, here’s one i read.
“the word for today is legs. now let’s go upstairs and spread the word” ;)